It is hard to know what is right right now. Is it ok to be going out to crowded places even if you are vaccinated? What is the moral thing to do? Is there one/ singular moral thing? Is it suddenly ok to ask for the closest booth to the toilet and request a waiter with a dirty butt and runny nose like we did in 2019? When around a lot of people, my brain is ping ponging the whole time about when I should go home and the terrifying quote from MARATHON MAN repeats in my head “Is it safe?” I can’t seem to cross the threshold. The second I do go out I get blown back into the void. It’s not a completely empty void like other phases of this time. My current void is more self-sufficient, not stagnated under the pandemic cloud. It wants to live, but where? How? Why? The answer is: money! I want to be the wealthiest person in the world.
When I’m the wealthiest, I will have the rarest, most hard to find dogs from all over this shrinking, scalding hot globe. I’m talking Shiba Inus, Chinooks, Peruvian Inca Orchids. They will all be mine and they will all be named “Perineum”. I’m talking Tibetan Mastiffs, Skye Terriers, and don’t get me started on New Guinea Singing Dogs, and that’s not even scratching the dogs belly! Hehe! There will be dogs in every corner of my 10 story Florida condo. And I will wear the most expensive clothes you ever did saw! I’m talking King Tut style: kilts weaved with gold and ancient flax filaments, tits out, and great eye make up. I can smell the kilt now after a long, humid day! I will use cloth toilet paper and eat kimchi morning, noon, and night. And I will sing, boy will I sing like Gwenyth Paltrow in that film DUETS (2000). I know everyone has this exact dream, but I really feel like I’m special and frankly destined for this.
Alas, along with some unsettlingly, manic waves of optimism (see above paragraph) , I often get hit by a crashing wave of the feeling that I no longer want what I wanted. There’s something in the back of my head that tells me, I’d get sick of cleaning up dog shit and singing all the time. I fear my dope King Tut swag would get itchy after a while and I would long for the TARGET night gown I threw out once I was in Forbes. *If you are listed in Forbes as one of the richest people in the world, they send you a free pair of clean, warm cotton PJs fresh out of the dryer. Could it be possible that all this time away from society and culture has us all inventing our own versions for ourselves? Are we all experiencing this whiplash on some subtle level? Or is this actually the end of collective experience? Is the fragmentation of reality finally too deep? I’ve been locked in a Starbucks bathroom for 14 days, drinking from the toilet.
Do I want to keep reaching for the life before the dissolving of the veil? I’ve never felt this particular hunger to get somewhere pre-pandemic. Often the world felt like an almost extinct mall, and I was just moseying around trying on expensive shoes I knew I would never buy before stalking the clearance aisle for bargains like a titillated nymph. I would cat call older dads at the food court before downing a Bud Heavy at Sbarro and walking into Sharper Image asking if they sold maxi pads. Those were some fucking good times.
But now it seems the mall has been demolished and they are debating whether or not to build a brand new mall or just simply build one big BEST BUY instead. One big warehouse full of technology and screens and dvds no one will buy. The BEST BUY would insure everyone would go home and stay on their devices and decrease the chances of analogue experiences, mutating viruses, bigger dreams, and hugs. A BEST BUY would help everyone feel safe, secure, alone yet “connected”. An apathy towards the natural world would fog our hearts and we’d find ourselves shelling out thousands of dollars to replace an Air Pod.
All our memories and desires would simply ascend into the constantly available cloud above us. And with the cloud impairing our vision of the sky, all of our desires and creations will be dampened with a nostalgic, monotonous residue. An abyss would form over creativity rendering it obsolete against the momentum of the hive mind which would reign over attempts at individuality and we will start to merge psychically in a way that hurts the brain of those not equipped.
Because of the cloud, we would wouldn’t see that beyond the BEST BUY the earth is on fire and the oceans are clogging up with pollution and murderous sonar. Obscene laws are being passed to control our bodies and animals are being killed to make small, microwaveable corn dogs for children and adult men. We wouldn’t know. We would simply all be at home enjoying the same pre-chewed expensive post-mates take out, and laughing at a video of a cat hugging a bird that is actually a deep fake video, but no one can tell the difference. Self-expression would be synonymous with a social media presence and the culture would be so saturated with people speaking their truth that the cacophony of it would make it impossible to hear anything. All that being said, I have a lot of love for Best Buy and want to make it clear that I am all for them taking over the country. You can always find a dvd of an American Pie sequel you never knew existed or a uselessly, defunct iPhone charger. But again, is it safe?
Your mall references and movie references always hit a real sweet spot 😂
I’ll buy all the American Pie DVDs 😋
Too optimistic
I'm going to put a mobile order in at Starbucks - do you want me to let you out of that bathroom or are you good