Bad Movies End Too

She had been snippy over email. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to meet her, because she cost a lot of fricken money. She had been featured in Teen Vogue as a premier past life therapist and none of my questions that posed any sense of skepticism were tolerated. Of course, I didn’t doubt her abilities, but I highly doubted myself and my ability to actually be hypnotized and my ability to actually learn anything from having this experience even if I was.

Beginning around 2014, I had become interested in a past life reading after a book my friend, Greg, a wise friend/ comedian/ personal hero, told me to get. I began reading the book, Many Lives Many Masters, while shooting a movie that turned into the goofiest and most chaotic set of all time, a peculiarly amateur production. The film was more like a whodunnit play that needed more drafts. More than the content of the movie, the set schedule was always changing without anyone knowing and more than anything the film lacked a leader, my co-star starting yelling “cut”. I had never been hired to act in something that I knew no one affiliated with, but my giddiness slowly turned into Oh, no-ness. I wore a terrible wig about 1/3 of the film because re-shoots came 9 months after I thought. I presumed the film would die half finished. I’ll give it to them. They really did finish the movie even after a nine month break from filming, after all the money dissolved. That takes something to go back and get it done. Gasoline or sun dried tomatoes or baby powder or something.

A different point, I am terrible in it. So you can also blame it on my acting as to why the movie stunk. I had not a clue what was happening at any moment. My romantic lead had anger issues and a probable drug problem. He played a cop and, in one scene, he is interrogating me, but it’s supposed to be sexy, like a little cat and mouse dynamic. Instead this very angry, beet red,  pilled out man would spit the lines that he would forget every three seconds, an inch from my face. “LIIiiiiiiiNE!” I could smell vomit  and cigarettes on his breath and my fake big eyelashes were melting off with every violent line reading. I really hope he’s ok. He was later replaced. In fact, I hope everyone from that set is OK. I will never forget how crazy everyone seemed, you could look no one in the eye without wanting to scream and it wasn’t because all the cast and crew were insane, but something about all of us trying to make this movie was.

One thing that I liked about the guy that would spit on me during our scenes was that he saw me reading Many Lives Many Masters and his yellow eye balls got glossy and white for a second. “I love that book. I’ve always felt it should be a movie.” “I do too!” We had a great, short lucid conversation on why this book is somewhat life changing. I’m not sure if it reads the same anymore, but reading Dr. Brian Weiss’s book about reincarnation filled me with healing satisfaction when I was not reading the book, life around me seemed a lot more alive and freaky. It felt like I was finally reading the right life manual. And so began, my search for a past life therapist.

In person, she was curt and her style of communication matched her emails. DO NOT BE LATE type of a lady that scares to death your 8 year old self so much so that you decide you need to clean your vagina before coming in contact with this person out of any and all paranoia. I’m gonna get hit in the back of the head with a ruler, aren’t I? What if she wants to fuck though?? You have to prepare for all scenarios when you are about to meet a strict woman is my understanding.

She had a short brown bob, and two miniature schnauzers that intended on barking at me until I was pronounced dead. I acted cool and collected to please her I wanted so desperately to feel her approval of me. I had driven 6 hours to meet her, but acted as breezy as possible, I am gonna ace this past life hypnotism thing, she’s gonna gasp and strip off her scarves and kiss my forehead.

Once “under”, I described a scene in which my whole family is sick with dysentery. I build boats for a terrible living, no one is happy. I have a wife and a daughter. “Who in your current life is your wife in this one?” “My sister.” I say automatically. “Who in your current life is your daughter in this one?” “My cousin, Anna.” I say again.  I dragged my family to an area that makes everyone sick. I die before my wife and am filled with anguish. She watches me from across our wood shack as I die. She is crying, but she is afraid to get close.

Was I experiencing a past life or was I putting on a show for the past life lady to like me? I felt disassociated, but I was aware of the experience as it was happening. The whole thing made me feel more dense than I wanted. I thought there would be more of a load off, instead, it felt like I needed to grieve, but for who? What the hell was going on? My ex- wife is my sister??

I am open to more “past life play”, it is one of my kinks. A nice thing the therapist stressed was that life is so fricken quick. These lifetimes are like little tiny, scrawny one page chapters that can be completed very fast by any dweeby asshole. They’re like CVS pharmacy prayer books short and we should all take them less seriously.

On set of the movie, it was 4 am and we had a call to be in Griffith Park. I was getting lost because I was 24 and it was very dark out. The frantic emails I was getting kept saying “Look for the Merry Go Round. That’s the turn.” Finally, I saw the Merry Go Round-shadowy horses and poles, only briefly illuminated by my headlights. “Oh, there it is.” I turned around to make the correct turn only to find the Merry Go Round was gone. “Bridey, where are you? We want to rehearse!” The scared PA shouted. I was one minute late and would probably wait 8 hours until shooting, but I understood his frenzy cause nothing ever made sense on this set. I asked for clarity on directions and found  base camp. It was near the carousel only the carousel was naturally closed, and covered not like I had seen it. I always think about this book when I remember that time I saw a ghost Merry Go Round. Maybe my eyes were more open.

This silly movie gave me two beautiful, creative friendships. It drew me back into wanting to try directing and ultimately gave me some confidence. So it was bad and it was good and both bad and good movies end too. So dont take them too seriously.